I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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