and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Everything about him screamed your future.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
