jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
