I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
