Kiss
Puke
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize