i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
