I love black thongs
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize