You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
