Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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