Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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