I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
