I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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