I just saw a hot homeless man
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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