I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize