There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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