Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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