you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize