That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
