Just cropdusted the office
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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