gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
