he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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