We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
