i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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