How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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