You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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