i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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