just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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