I'm so fucking centered right now
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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