so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
