help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
