At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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