I can tuck mytits in my pants
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
