So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Your penis caused this!
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