Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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