Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
