Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
