i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
