Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize