I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
