Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
