you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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