i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
