I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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