I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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