M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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