I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize