Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
