Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
