There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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