Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
