Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
