I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
