thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
