so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
