Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
