My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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