and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
His nipple licking is glorious
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