I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
