Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
