Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
