I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
