I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize