Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
where am i from again
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize