we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
