Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize